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If you thought I said so, this confirms it. 
These are original, unless marked with [?], which signifies that I suspect I may not be the first to have said it.

  • God probably gave us noses so we’d have something to blow besides money.
  • Sometimes it seems like it takes all day to get nothing done.  [?]
  • The PDA which Jeff gave me has a nice auto-completion feature.  The word ‘outgoing’ was in the dictionary, but the word ‘ingoing’ isn’t.  Maybe that’s because there aren’t as many ‘ingoing’ people.
  • When people ask, "How’d you get to be so smart?" you ought to wonder why they thought you were born stupid.  I get suspicious when they ask that.  It sounds like one of those ‘Knock, knock’ jokes that inevitably brings some kind of smart-aleck response with it.  I’ve often been tempted to reply, "How’d you get to be such a smart-aleck?"
  • April snowers bring May plowers.  { ‘snowers’ pronounced like ‘schnausers’ }
  • You don’t want to get married by accident, or because of one.

– Glenn Merritt

And if this isn’t enough for you, try
Reinverting Gofernment

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